rants

On Feeling Left Behind

Did you ever feel like you were left behind?

I made two best friends in high school, and together we were like the three musketeers. Except instead of being French, we were Hulio, Esteban, and Jose (despite neither of us being Latino males). I am Jose.

There really wasn’t a day we didnt see each other. Our houses were so close together: I live on 83 avenue, Esteban on 84, and Hulio on 86. When we wanted to meet up, we’d simply agree to meet in the middle.

I made quite a few friends in high school, but Hulio and Esteban are special to me because their friendships have persisted past high school…despite the circumstances. I was going to UBC, Hulio was off to work since she’d finshed her first level of trade school, and Esteban was off to Hungary to become a doctor.

Hulio and I would skype with Esteban and send emails to her, and she always came home for summer. It was difficult to hang out though, since everyone who missed her wanted to see her.

I still had Hulio though, and we’d meet up and go for walks when our schedules were free and we weren’t too tired.

I helped Hulio move out of her parents’ house this past weekend.

It’s not like she left the country too—a short bus and train ride and I’m at her apartment. But it’s a little disheartening, knowing she’s not a five minute walk away anymore.

Hulio and Esteban have always known what they’ve wanted to do with their lives—an electrician and a doctor, respectively—and I was the one with the question mark over her head. I mean, I know I like biochemistry and books, but I don’t know where the job part is going to come in. And I know that the concept of “growing up” and “becoming an adult” have always been coming up in these rants of mine.

But with both of them out and independent, knowing what they want to do, I’m feeling a little left behind.

I dont have the money to move out, and I know feeling this way is a stupid reason to. My parents come from a culture where children stay with their parents until they are married, and even then maybe not. On my trip this past summer, I learned that families often stay in one household…the ancestral home, and people stay in one house all their lives. My granparents’ house has seen 5 generations already. Because of this I’ve always felt welcome in my parents house. And while I feel I could tackle living on my own, I just don’t have the means.

But I can figure out what I want to do after university.

So after a lot of debating and struggling with the application, I signed up for Co-op.

Co-op is an optional program at school where you spend a year working at various internships. The program has positions in labs, pharmaceutical companies, hospitals, and all sorts of things. It will push my graduation a year, but I feel like I’m making the right decision. 

Now I just have to cross my fingers and hope I get in.

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3 thoughts on “On Feeling Left Behind

  1. First of all, may the odds be ever in your favor (especially for the co-op thing but even otherwise)!
    And I know exactly what you feel like, one of my friends is going to Ireland around a year later and while se is here, we are making all these lists- things we must do before she leaves.
    And the other friend (we’re a trio as well) is also already making all the plans of her future amd here I am, an exam result can basically change the complete course of my career.
    But I guess it’ll all make sense at the end!
    (P.S. That friend of mine shares her birthday with you- the one who’ll leave for Ireland)

    Like

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